Merry Wives of Windsor Act 3 – “Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the Thames?”

Merry Wives of Windsor Act 3 – “Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the Thames?”

The short answer to this question voiced by Falstaff is … Yes. But I am getting ahead of myself since this act sees the building of both the plot concerning the undermining and general derision of Falstaff and the complications faced by Anne Page’s many suitors. The comedy of this act reminds me of great program by Rowan Atkinson done during the 1990’s called ‘A Lecture on Physical Comedy’. In this program, he says that physical comedy depends on changes in status, sudden appearances and disappearances and the use of objects and people that are the wrong size. The comic report card of Act 3 of ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’ ticks all these boxes.

Simples’ directions to Evans to find Caius are very complicated for a man named Simple. So Evans decides to sit down and feed his melancholy with poetry (a diet assured to increase melancholy before the tasting of a single sonnet). Caius is lead in by The Host (whose sense of direction is better than his sense of tact). It seems that Evans and Caius are finally going to face one another in combat, but, alas, at the last moment, Shallow and Page take away both men’s weapons (probably for a health and safety reasons or to repair the weapons backstage). Evans and Caius find common ground in thinking that The Host and others had pitted them against one another to make fun of them. They eventually plot together about how to get back at The Host.

When Ford sees Mistress Page and Falstaff's servant in the street and Mistress Page reveals she is on the way to see Ford’s wife, Ford jumps to conclusions. When the others have gone, Ford reveals that he thinks his wife is dishonest since he thinks that Falstaff’s servant is on his way to give his wife a special note from Falstaff. Ford plans to catch the cuckold Falstaff and his wife red-handed. He accuses his wife without any evidence but his suspicion and sees that his wife is guilt and dammed damned already.

“Good plots, they are laid;

and our revolted wives share damnation together.”

Just then, The Host, Evans, Page, Cauis, Shallow and Slender, Ford enter and Ford announces that all of them should come to his house. invites them all to come to his house. The group that enters have been discussing the pros of Slender marrying Anne Page and they reveal this. Page agrees it would be a good match. Page tells Slender that he supports him, but reveals that his wife supports Caius as a good match. Ford again states that they should all dine at his house.

Meanwhile Mistresses Ford and Mistress Page have been planning how to trick Falstaff. They have got their hands on a large laundry basket and they intend to get Falstaff to hide in the basket and then to dump him in the Thames. Falstaff's arrival is announced and Mistress Page hides outside a door and listens in. When Falstaff arrives he attempts to seduce Mistress Ford and goes for the direct approach of announcing his love and wishing the death of her husband. Then suddenly, Robin the servant whispers that Mistress Page is at the door. Falstaff hides. Mistress Page enters with the news that Mistress Ford’s husband and officers are coming to arrest Falstaff. He is encouraged to hide in the laundry basket. Falstaff reluctantly agrees to this and he is hidden in the large basket (but obviously not large enough given Falstaff’s size). Dirty clothes are thrown on top of him just as Ford, Page, Caius, and Evans barge their way into the room.

Ford thinks that he has finally caught Falstaff in the act but as the servants depart with the large oversized laundry basket, they find no sign of Falstaff. Mistress Page is shocked by Ford’s jealousy and she and Misstress Ford plan in private about how they could entice and demean Falstaff more.

The focus shifts back to the Anne Page subplot where Fenton meets Anne Page and tells her that Anne’s father doesn’t seem to favour their match. Fenton reveals that he thinks Anne’s father believes that Fenton, being of noble birth but being virtually broke, is only after Anne for her family’s money.

“He doth object I am too great of birth--,

And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,

I seek to heal it only by his wealth…”

Anne insists that he keep trying in his quest to marry her.

Shallow, Slender and Mistress Quickly enters, quickly, and draws Anne aside to tell her Slender wishes to have a private word with her. Quickly quickly takes Fenton away from his true love. Shallow prompts Slender with shallow things to make conversation but Anne asks Slender to speak for himself. Slender is slim on conversation but eventually says he wants to marry and that arrangements are being made, but if she wants out, she only has to say the word.

Then the page is turned as the Pages (Mistress Page and Page himself) enter. Page asks why Fenton is there and on hearing the reason, he tells Fenton that he will never let his daughter marry him. Fenton is urged by Mistress Quickly to quickly re-declare his love but Anne declares that she will not marry Slender. Mistress Quickly considers her position and decides that although she has promised in some way to help all three men woo Anne, that she will especially help Fenton now.

“A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through

fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I

would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would

Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master

Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all

three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good

as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton.”

Back at the Garter Inn, a wet and stinky Falstaff has dragged himself back from the Thames River where he was dumped with the dirty laundry from Mistress Ford’s household. Mistress Quickly enters bringing news that Mistress Ford wishes to meet with him again between eight and nine in the evening. Falstaff after all that has happens agrees to meet with Mistress Ford again.

Then Ford enters, disguised as Brooke, and Falstaff tells an exaggerated version of his laundry basket ordeal. When Brooke asks whether this is the end of Falstaff’s liaison with Mistress Ford, Falstaff announces that it is already time for the next meeting with Mistress Ford and that Brooke will soon see Ford cuckolded (which ironically means that Ford will cuckold himself). Falstaff leaves and an astonished and angry Ford declares that he will catch his wife and Falstaff this time.

“… he is at my house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he

should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse,

nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that

guides him should aid him, I will search

impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid,

yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame:

if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go

with me: I'll be horn-mad.”